Night of the Living Fangirls
by Arctic Banana
Summary: The Transformers face their scariest foes yet: crazed fangirls.


If you read my other fic, Solace, you should already know who Sniper is. I haven't gotten around to using Panzerfaust or Static yet, so this marks their first appearance, and hopefully I will get a chance to use them soon. Rapture was made just for fun for this particular fic, although I may or may not use her later on.

I don't own Transformers, Nightwish, or Trivium.

I do own Sniper, Panzerfaust, Rapture, and Static.

P.S. BLACKOUT'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!! -foams at the mouth-

Blackout: Please save me...

* * *

Starscream randomly walked down the hall. Suddenly, he felt something grab his foot and climb on top. He looked down, thinking it was Frenzy or Rumble, but what he saw clinging to his ankle sent fear and terror through his mainframe.

"Oh no… Oh no… This can't be…" he started panicking as more and more of them started swarming like zombies. "Megatron! Somebody let in fangirls!" he screamed as he took off into flight, shaking off the fangirls in the process.

"No! Starscream, honey, wait for me!" cried the author's sister as she chased after her future husband.

"I saw him first!" a blonde girl shrieked.

"Back off, bitch! Screamer's mine!" the author's sister growled as she pulled out a pair of nunchucks. Soon the halls were filled with a mosh pit of Screamer fangirls.

Starscream quickly flew to Megatron's room, where Barricade, Megatron, and Bonecrusher were hiding.

"They're all over! It's like a virus you can't get rid of!" Barricade whimpered.

"I hate fangirls!" Bonecrusher growled.

"For once, the angry one speaks sense," Megatron said.

"Of course I speak sense…" Bonecrusher said, confused.

"Shut up, Scrapper."

"I'm Bonecrusher…"

"Whatever."

"Something touched me!" Barricade jumped.

"Relax, Cade. It's just Frenzy," Bonecrusher grumbled.

"I-I s-s-see f-fangirls-s!" Frenzy shivered. "T-they g-g-got S-Soundwave!"

"No! Don't touch that! Ahh! That doesn't go there!" Soundwave screamed in a monotone voice as they heard him hit the door and get dragged away. "Eject Ravage! Commence operation, Don't Just Fucking Stand There! Save Me!"

"Poor Soundwave…" Barricade said. "I'll miss him."

"You mean you'll miss your Nightwish and Trivium playlists that were stored on his hard drive," Bonecrusher snarled.

"That too…"

"We can't just stay here! If we want to survive, we gotta fight our way out!" Megatron said. "So, you guys go fight them, and I'll wait for the clear," he smiled as he quickly opened the door and shoved them all out, then closed and locked the door.

"Lord Megatron!" Barricade protested as he clawed at the door in desperation.

"Hey, is that Blackout? I don't see any fangirls on him! Let's go ask him how he does it!" Starscream said as he ran off towards Blackout, fighting off fangirls all the way. The others followed.

"Blackout, why don't you have any fangirls? I figured you would, considering you're pretty fucking hot… Um… I mean… So they say… Not that I think that or anything…" Barricade said.

"Oh, I do have fangirls. Arctic Banana won't let them come near me," he responded, pointing towards the area of his helm where I was clinging to it and growling.

"He's mine! Back away! Come near him, and I'll write a horribly painful death for you into the story!" I snarled.

Suddenly, some fangirl came up and reached out to touch him. Afterwards, she got mauled by wolves and had salt and razorblades rain down on her.

"He's my Blackout! No touchy!" I growled as I clawed the air and snuggled up close to his face.

Suddenly, a force field went around Starscream so that fangirls couldn't get in, and he couldn't get out.

"What the hell?" Starscream said in surprise.

Suddenly, I granted my little sister the ability to go through the force field.

"I don't like the way this is going…" Starscream bitched. "Hey!"

"Thank you big sister!" my nunchuck-wielding sister called out as she ran through the force field and latched onto his leg.

"Ahh! Not you again!" he panicked as he tried in vain to shake her off.

"You're my new Sugar Muffin!" she purred.

Meanwhile, Frenzy, Barricade, and Bonecrusher snuck away. Blackout made an oh-so-adorable annoyed face as I chewed on his helm.

"Well at least she isn't making me get drunk and screw Bonecrusher again," he mumbled.

"What do we do now?! The base is infested with fangirls!" Barricade said as he tried to beat off a fangirl clinging to his waist.

"R-run away!" Frenzy screamed as he ran outside.

"What's he running for? There aren't too many Frenzy fangirls out there!" Bonecrusher glared.

"I don't know, but he's got a good idea, so RUN AWAY!" Barricade screamed as he felt fangirls rip off pieces of his armor.

"I got a shoulder panel!" one girl screamed.

"I got a shin guard!" another jumped giddily.

"Oh my god! I got his cod piece!" a third one giggled manically.

"Ahh! I'm naked!" Barricade cried out.

"Woah! Damn… No wonder they want you!" Bonecrusher gasped as he glanced downwards.

"Stop staring, you pervert!" Barricade growled.

They ran so far, that eventually they entered Autobot territory and crashed into Ironhide.

"What the hell?!"

"The fangirls are coming! The fangirls are coming!" they screamed as they continued running.

Ironhide suddenly heard Jazz scream and turned around to see his arm slowly disappear underneath a sea of fangirls. "Wait for me!" he screamed as he ran after the panic-stricken Decepticons.

"Look! Prime's got nobody swooning over him! Don't tell me Banana likes him too…" Barricade said as they ran closer.

"Nope. Banana doesn't like me," Optimus smiled as they got closer.

"My heart belongs to Blackout and Jazz," I said as I clung to Blackout's helm.

"Wait, you like Jazz too? But he's back there, getting raped by fangirls!" Ironhide said.

"Not really. I rescued him after you ran away screaming like little girls. Say hi, Jazz!" I called to Jazz, who was clinging to Blackout's rotor mount.

"Somebody please kill me!" he groaned.

"Wait… If you aren't fangirling over Prime, then why isn't he getting attacked by fangirls?" asked a very confused Ironhide.

"Simple. I started hanging out with Wheelie," Optimus replied, pointing towards Wheelie.

Wheelie opened his mouth to say something, causing everyone but Prime to run away screaming.

"How do we get rid of these fangirls?" Bonecrusher asked.

"Um… Barricade, your interface is hanging out," Ironhide said.

"Really now?!" Barricade snapped.

"You guys running from fangirls?" Sniper laughed. His brother, the Decepticon Panzerfaust, snickered next to him.

"It's a good thing vee are OC's," Panz laughed (Panzerfaust speaks with a German accent).

"Stupid OC's… Why can't they have mountains of fangirls too?" Ironhide grumbled.

"I hate OC's," Bonecrusher growled.

"You better run. I see another wave coming," Sniper giggled as a bunch of fangirls ran towards them.

"Ahh!" they all screamed as they took off running.

Suddenly, the fangirls stopped. They took off running the other way as Grimlock charged after them.

"Me Grimlock hate fangirls!" the Tyrannosaur growled as he ran off after them.

Just to make this more interesting, I decided to distract the Dinobot and liberate the fangirls by adding a female Dinobot to the plotline… She shall be a Utahraptor named… Rapture… Yeah! Rapture! And because I'm the author and raptors aren't stupid, I say she's also intelligent. Ha! The lone intelligent Dinobot! Okay, Rapture. Go do your thing!

"Oh, Grimlock!" Rapture called in a sultry voice.

"Female Dinobot pretty!" Grimlock wagged his tail before running over to her.

Meanwhile, the fangirls advanced again.

"You're an ass," Barricade snarled.

You look like a kitty.

"I do not look like a kitty!"

Meow!

"Argue with Banana later! Run now!" Bonecrusher growled as he grabbed his wrist and dragged him along.

Finally, they came to a cliff.

"Why is there always a cliff?!" Ironhide glared at me.

Out of a random act of kindness, I decided to save two of them, and sent help. An Avro Vulcan flew up to the cliff.

"Who's that?"

Her name's Static.

"What kind of a name is that?"

The kind of name you get when the only thing you can pick up on your radio is static.

"I swear, I'll get it fixed someday!" Static said.

"Okay, so what now?"

Static can only carry two of you. I'll let her decide who.

"The Mustang…" she made her first choice.

"Yes!" Barricade cheered as he climbed on.

"And… I don't know who else… Hmm…"

"What allegiance are you?" Bonecrusher asked.

"Decepticon," the Avro Vulcan responded.

"Ooh! So am I!" he cheered.

"Okay, then! Hop on!" she invited.

"Wait! What about me?!" Ironhide whimpered.

"Drive fast, Autobot!" she said as she flew off.

Ironhide was suddenly pelted from behind by crazy fangirls.

* * *

**THE AFTERMATH:**

My sister and Starscream got married, with much force on his part. They live in an unnamed trailer park with their three children, Starscream Jr., Lil Screamer, and Gigglebot.

I asked Blackout to marry me. He still has to get back to me on that.

Jazz also still has to get back to me on that.

Soundwave was found alive. They were able to save him. Barricade's Nightwish and Trivium playlists didn't make it, which makes him sad.

After the sun came up, forcing all the fangirls back into hiding, Optimus had no more use for Wheelie, and fed him to Grimlock. No one cared.

Grimlock and Rapture fell in love. It's kind of sickening, really.

Static and Barricade are now good friends.

Bonecrusher still hates everything. Especially you right over there. Yeah, you, with the face. Don't pretend you don't know it.

Ironhide was never seen again. All they ever found was his arm.


End file.
